Eagles fans rejoice!

The Philadelphia Eagles have a quarterback named Donovan McNabb -- maybe you've heard of him? Well...the Eagles decided that they would use a top forty draft pick (number 36 overall) on another QB, one who probably won't play for at least three years and one who most believe would have been available in the 4th or 5th round.

The name of the new quarterback is Kevin Kolb. These Eagles fans didn't think much of the pick.

Cold Omaha welcomes new copy editor

Sometimes we make mistakes on Cold Omaha and when we do -- our new copy editor loves to point them out.

So with that, please welcome "The Dicker" to the Cold Omaha staff.

Yo Adrian!

The Vikings finally have a playmaker on offense. With the 7th pick in the NFL draft, the Purple nabbed Oklahoma running back Adrian Peterson. Its a perfect fit for a team that needs a lot of help on offense. As long as he can stay healthy (or get healthy) this should be a fantastic selection.

Adding to the news of the weekend, Randy Moss got traded to the Patriots. Could there be a more perfect fit? Either Randy will turn into Mr. Humble and be a team player or he will be cut by week three. I actually hope he makes it work -- the Pats could be scary good if Moss tries to be a good player and a good citizen.

Finally, I thought Brady Quinn would be drafted in the top five, for sure the top ten. Falling to number 22 overall had to be a shock. But, at least he ended up in Cleveland after all was said and done.

Torii gets popped

Torii Hunter got drilled in the face yesterday by Zack Greinke of the Royals. He is fine, just a few stitches in his lip. But he scared the crap out of Greinke with this get-up.

Feeling a draft

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for all of us draft freaks. I love the NFL draft. Love it. And while I have no inside information from any of the NFL franchises, I think its fun to try and figure who will go where on Saturday.

Here’s a Cold Omaha prediction on the first 10 picks in the NFL draft.

1. Oakland Raiders – JaMarcus Russell – QB LSU
The Raiders need a lot of help. Many people think they won’t be able to pass up Georgia Tech wide receiver Calvin Johnson, but I believe the Raiders have had their eyes on J-Russ all along and he’s their guy.

2. Detroit Lions – Calvin Johnson – WR Georgia Tech
Can the Lions really take a WR with their first pick again this year? If they are smart they will. Johnson is the best player in the draft and a lot of teams will try to trade up to get him. You could look for the Falcons or the Bucs in this spot as well, but either way Johnson goes number two overall.

3. Cleveland Browns – Brady Quinn – QB Notre Dame
The Browns need help on the offensive line so Wisconsin’s Joe Thomas could actually be a good fit here as well. But, Romeo Cronnell needs to have some help on offense, he knows Quinn’s coach (Charlie Weiss) very well from their days together with the Patriots, so I think Quinn will be the man in Cleveland.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Gaines Adams – DE Clemson
Again, the Lions and the Bucs could swap picks and players here but Adams won’t slip out of the top four. He’s a tremendous player and both teams need help on the defensive line.

5. Arizona Cardinals – Joe Thomas – OT Wisconsin
If Denny Green were still running things, you could guess that Amobi Okoye (DT Louisville) would go here since Denny LOVED young defensive lineman. But the Cardinals need offensive line help more than just about any other team in the NFC. Thomas couldn’t be a more perfect fit.

6. Washington Redskins – Amobi Okoye – DT Louisville
Ok0ye is 19-years-old and he is rising up draft boards faster than Mike Mamula. The Redskins are going to take this guy or they are going to trade out of this spot so another team can.

7. Minnesota Vikings – LaRon Landry – S LSU
As much as I want to see Adrian Peterson go in this spot but everyone is saying the Vikings love Landry and the fact that Peterson is hurt again (collarbone) he is starting to fall on everyone’s board. So…the Vikings get a great safety and peace of mind knowing that they don’t need to worry about the safety position for the next few years.

8. Atlanta Falcons – Levi Brown – OT Penn State
The Falcons covet Johnson but if they can’t move up to get him, they will stay put and take Brown. Other options here could be Michigan DT Alan Branch or Amobi Okoye if he falls this far.

9. Miami Dolphins – Alan Branch – DT Michigan
The Dolphins are hoping and praying that Brady Quinn falls this far but I can’t imagine that will happen. The guess here is they don’t move down and they try to find help on the defensive line. Branch is a safe pick and should go here if Atlanta doesn’t take him at 9.

10. Houston Texans – Adrian Peterson – RB Oklahoma
Wow – I didn’t expect Peterson to fall this far and there is no chance he makes it out of the top ten. His collarbone injury will scare a few teams, but the Texans admitted the David Carr mistake by cutting him loose over the winter and they will admit the Reggie Bush mistake by taking Peterson here. They also really need help at cornerback, so Leon Hall (Michigan) or Darrelle Revis (Pitt) are possibilities here. But can they pass on Peterson?

TheSplog! Archives 2005 NFL Draft

With the NFL Draft taking place this weekend, we decided to go back to thesplog.com archives and print a running diary we ran back in April 2005. More on the 2007 NFL draft later today.

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April 23, 2005

Oh no, I’m addicted to draftahol.

Hi, my name is Kent and I’m a draftaholic.

Yes, I am addicted to the NFL draft. It’s been at least 10 years and I don’t see the problem going away any time soon. The beauty of the draft is you just never know what you are going to get. One of the best parts of the day is the pimped-out suit and tie combinations from the draftees and the 8-person entourages of the players.

Coming in a close second is the awkward handshake and fake smile from the commissioner as the player and the exec get their photo snapped.

It’s by far the best non-sporting sporting event of the year. The Vikings had two picks in the first round and we put together a quick draft-day diary for our loyal readers. Since time is valuable, we will keep it to the first 10 picks. But trust me, I stayed with this thing through the Vikes pick at 17.

Much like the draft itself, this diary has its strengths and its weaknesses. It has lots of upside and should be a contender to start immediately if given the chance. It’s quick off the ball and has a great motor.

9:55 a.m. We are coming to you live! from thesplog.com southern MN offices. The laptop is on, the live web-feed from Winter Park is sort of working, and ESPN is locked and loaded. Now all I need is some coffee and we are good to go.

10:04 a.m.Every year I find it curious that Mel Kiper Jr. has turned this thing into a full-time job. He’s the Dick Vitale of the NFL draft. You fully expect to see him on TV, he is always over-hyping players from elite school programs, and his on-the-air style always seems to rub his broadcasting mates the wrong way. We are five minutes into this thing and I keep expecting to see Mort, Boomer, or this year’s “token athlete or coach on the broadcast team” Torry Holt take a swing at him. It's going to be a long 6-8 hours for this group. By the way, has anyone filled the role of “token athlete or coach on the broadcast team” better than Denny Green in 2003? I wish I had TiVo back then, because Denny was full of energy. He chuckled, he told stories, and he had everyone in stitches throughout the day. Just Denny being Denny, always on the high road.

10:15 a.m.Commissioner Paul Tagliabue (who we will now refer to as just Tags, I think he’s earned it) just glided to the stage and welcomed us to the 2005 NFL College Draft. Thanks Tags, I feel welcomed. San Francisco is now on the clock and has been since last November. A week ago I thought there was no better fit for them than Aaron Rodgers. Hometown boy, easy to sign, etc. Now it sounds like Alex Smith is the guy. Shows you what I know.

10:30 a.m.Alex Smith is your #1 pick in the 2005 draft. Interesting note about this 20-year-old kid, he lost just two football games in his high school and college playing career. That’s not a bad stat. I get the feeling he will probably quadruple that number of losses as a first year starter for the 49er’s next year.

10:33 a.m.One thing I love about cable television is the fact that depending on your market, you get to see both local and national commercials. Whoever is doing the cable TV advertising sales in Rochester, MN, is definitely doing his or her job. I think every local hardware store, jewelry store and restaurant has found its way onto local cable TV. I know I personally can’t get enough of the Rochester Lapidary Jewelers jingle, but that’s just me.

10:45 am. The end of the Ricky Williams era is here in Miami as the Dolphins just took running back Ronnie Brown. The Vikings had talked about perhaps moving up to get this kid and I would have been okay with that. At this point I am still hoping Mike Williams is there for us at 7 but I just received a very disturbing call from my buddy Dion who told me to be prepared for them to take Troy Williamson at 7 instead. Ugh.

10:51a.m. All of the talk on KFAN.com is about Troy Williamson and how the Vikings staff loves the kid and will take him with the 7th pick even if Mike Williams is still there. Are they insane? Haven’t the coaches talked incessantly since the Randy Moss trade that speed isn’t that big of a concern – they want football players. Mike Williams is a football player. Check the stats. Who is Troy Williamson?

11:00 a.m. The Browns just did the predictable and smart thing by taking a very productive college receiver in Braylan Edwards. Smart pick. The Vikings better do the same.

11:15 a.m.Cedric Benson goes to Chicago. Strange moment here – right after his name was called, Benson started crying and took his sweet-ass time getting up to the podium. Those are some tears, he is either really happy to be drafted or really sad that he is going to play for one of the worst franchises in the NFL. Didn’t the Bears have a more pressing need at receiver or even cornerback than at running back? Somebody get Cedric a tissue. Tags isn't sure if he should shake his hand or give him a hug.

11:26 a.m.This portion of the draft brought to you by Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper and Old Dutch mini pretzel rods. Thesplog.com southern Minnesota office has apparently hit hard times and we are on a tight budget.

11:30 a.m.Okay, now I am really confused. Don’t the Bucs need a QB? Is Aaron Rodgers this year’s Randy Moss and Warren Sapp rolled into one over-confident package? Tampa just took Carnell “Cadillac” Williams who immediately moves into the Top Ten greatest nicknames of current NFL players.

11:32 a.m.We are now two picks away from the Vikings spot at 7 and there is little doubt that they will indeed either trade down or take Troy Williamson with the pick. The rubes on the KFAN chat line are pissed, nobody likes the idea of taking him. At the same time, nobody has seen him play and none of us really have a clue how good this kid is going to be. Still, if Mike Williams is there how do you pass him up?

11:45 a.m.Pac Man! Adam Jones, the first defensive player chosen in the draft, is headed to the Titans where he can waste away in mediocrity as Steve McNair plays just half the games again next year and the team struggles to the .500 mark. Mr. Jones is not at the draft, he is apparently at his parole hearing with his family and friends. The Pac Man diamond studded medallion he is wearing, if it is real, is worth no less than $100,000. He gots the bling bling and it is off the hizzy fo shizzy.

12:00 p.m. High noon... Ladies and gentlemen…. We got him. If by "him" you mean Troy Williamson, then yes – we got him. I can’t bleeping believe they drafted him and Mike Williams is on the board. Amazing. I am speechless.

12:11 p.m.Denny Green gets his pick in early and takes Antrel Rolle. Young Denny can’t believe his guy fell to him again. I am telling you, we never should have let that man leave the state. I wish I could buy stock in things like “Denny Green will stop talking to the Arizona media by August 2005.”

12:20 p.m. I am bitter right now – I am really not understanding this pick. I need to calm down, its just a draft. These guys do this for a living, they know how good Troy Williamson is and how good he will be in the future. Ugh, Mike Williams should be on this team.

12:24 p.m.I think somebody named Carlos Rogers was just drafted. Yeah, the Redskins just took him. I am so distracted by the Mike Tice news conference on the radio that I am having trouble watching the TV. The boo birds are out for Mike Tice, not many people liked the Williamson pick. His rationale for making the pick? He said “we were right about Kevin Williams two years ago, trust us on this one.” Um, it doesn’t really work that way does it? At least we aren’t Redskins fans. Mike Williams and Aaron Rodgers are staring them in the face and they went with defense. Idiots.

12:45 p.m.I can’t take much more of this, thank God I am only going ten picks with the diary. The Lions just took Mike Williams. That makes them three-deep at wide receiver with nobody to throw the ball to them and nobody to play defense. I swear the core group could run an NFL franchise better than half the teams in the league. Westy could be the head coach, Dion could be the GM, Chuck runs the salary cap and I will handle the scouting. We could turn this into a reality show, I swear it would work.

1:15 p.m. That's it for me -- the top ten picks are on the board, no trades were made and it definitely did not turn out the way I thought it would for the Vikings. Williamson over Williams. Talk about over-thinking a situation. I hope I am wrong, but I think Williams will be a much better pro. We might not see it for a couple of years since Joey Harrington is running the offense in Detroit, but its just a matter of time.

That's it, that's all, that's all there is.

CBS should lose its Miller High Life sellin' privileges

You might have seen this Maxfli golf balls commercial on the golf channel. It shows John Daly drinking beer, singing country music, and just enjoying life as he knows it. CBS has pulled the commercial, saying it "didn't meet the standards of the network."

CBS spokeswoman Leslie Ann Wade also said "Any implied or direct reference to excessive consumption of alcohol would not meet network guidelines."

That would make sense if all the beer companies weren't allowed to advertise on CBS, but I don't think that's the case. And, isn't Pat O'Brien on the network?

John Daly is the man. He plays golf drunk, drives the cart too fast, and doesn't always follow the rules on the golf course. You basically just described the typical foursome on every public golf course in America.

Tubby's Tokers probably won't get approval either

You know how much I love the University of Minnesota. Its a great school and a wonderful place to learn about life. But sometimes the people who work there can take themselves a little too seriously.

That's where this story takes us today:

http://www.mndaily.com/articles/2007/04/25/71703

This t-shirt you see above has been banned by university officials because in their minds, "... the word 'Brew' has a direct tie to alcohol."

Well...yeah...maybe. But the last time I checked there is also a "brew" in the word Brewster, which happens to be the last name of the new head coach.

So, fans of the team could be called the Brew Crew and it wouldn't have to have anything to do with beer.

Right? I mean, that's not even that big of a leap is it?

If I could be like Mike

Is MJ "scouting" for the WNBA now?

Yep -- Michael Jordan is still a star and he likes to party. He likes to party during spring break in Cabo San Lucas. You can take the star out of the NBA lifestyle but good luck taking the NBA lifestyle out of the star. I won't be making a Ball Park frank joke, that would be too easy.

Photo taken by Kevin Bacon.

That's not gonna be good for business

Glen Taylor is a lot of things. In fact, let's make a list.

He's:
A deer hunter.

A business man.

A former Minnesota Legislator.

A Mankato State University graduate. (The Harvard of the midwest.)

An owner of the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Glen Taylor is not a basketball expert. Kevin McHale is not a basketball expert. But, Taylor is going to "help" McHale more this year and wants to be more involved with the "on the court" aspects of the team.

Bang it here to read more:

http://www.startribune.com/511/story/1142350.html



The highlight of this story, to me, is the fact that the Wolves WILL NOT trade Kevin Garnett now or ever. Mark it down -- no matter what you hear from the national media, Garnett is not going anywhere.

But, Glen Taylor is going to be more involved with the team, so its a good news/bad news kind of thing.

Welcome to Zygiville; home of the delusional.

Huh. That was pretty uneventful. When I heard the Vikings were holding a press conference to discuss the stadium issue and to lay out detailed plans for the current Metrodome stadium site, I have to say that I didn’t expect much from them or the Metropolitan Sports Commission.

They didn’t disappoint.

First, owner Zygi Wilf didn’t show up for the announcement, which isn’t really that much of a problem – but you would think an announcement this “big” might be important enough to attend, especially when you are looking for public funding and especially when you are trying to create another city within a city.

Second, the project is going to cost more than a billion dollars. Seriously, a billion dollars! Its an urban village – hotels, apartments, condos, grocery stores, Starbucks, office space, and restaurants will fill the area just like it did when the dome was built. Or not.

Here’s a thought: If Zygi says he is going to pump hundreds of millions of dollars into this effort, why not just build a normal stadium without all these other add-ons and pay for the thing on his own? Then he could buy up other land later in the process and maybe develop it at that point. Why can't he just build the thing on this own with those hundreds of millions of dollars and be done with it?

The new stadium drawings look great, the site is viable since the land would be there if they demolish the dome – and you would have a great view of the city and easy access for those concerned about traffic problems.

Nobody has any money to pay for this, which has been a problem since about 1995 when this whole thing started. It’s not about stadium drawings, city revitalization, or even having a roof or an open air stadium – it’s about a lack of money for the building.

Red McCombs is gone, but we still don’t have an owner who lives here and is willing to build something on his own or at least propose something that has a chance at getting public funding.

Is John Kerry still available?

Even though the NFL draft is less than two weeks away, the Vikings aren’t slowing down when it comes to finding some of the best free-agent football talent this country has to offer.

The Vikes signed a guy named Todd Lowber to a THREE-YEAR DEAL!!!!!!!
even though Lowber has never played organized football.

If you remember earlier this month, the Vikings were also interested in signing another guy who never played football before but so far they haven’t inked him to a lifetime contract.

We just had Denny Green and Mike Tice coaching here and I don’t ever remember being this worried about the Vikings and their lack of direction and leadership.

Can’t wait 2 coach U w/the Gophs! :-)

A little known fact about college recruiting is that coaches can send as many text messages to recruits as they want – but if the NCAA has its way, coaches won't be texting anymore.

In a world where text messaging is pretty much my life, whether it’s in the car or in the bar – here are a few of my favorite text messages from coaches that might have happened -- but probably didn’t.

MN or USC? Let me know.
U want cash or a car?
Omg – we want u at the u!
Wisc sucks – come 2 MN!
4 real – we need a rb!
Do u want #24? Its yours!
Thanx 4 the visit, c ya soon!
Lol…Paterno is old

Daunte on the move again?

It looks like Daunte Culpepper is going to be on the move once again, this time either via trade (not likely) or via roster cut by the Dolphins:

http://www.miamiherald.com/616/story/75289.html

Wouldn't it be interesting if the Raiders decide to pick up Daunte, pair him with Randy Moss, draft Calvin Johnson number one overall, and have one of the best passing offenses in the league next year? Okay, it probably won't happen and Daunte will probably never be anything more than a back-up in the NFL, but still...its at least possible.

Oops...she did it again

The people at Career TV really want you to know how great Mayo Clinic is and they think you should hear it from the gal.

Gugliotta and Laettner -- Hip Hop Hooray

Proof that Tom Gugliotta and Christian Laettner were once in the NBA and proof that the NBA once thought it was a good idea to have them in a rap video promoting the league.

The NBA -- it's FAAAAAAAAAAAAANTASTIC!!!!!

Worth the wait

It took way too long and it doesn't have a retractable roof -- but we are getting a new ball park.

Yep -- its a pretty good day.

Take a look at the new stadium here:

http://www.startribune.com/10136/gallery/1116544.html

Wally the Beer Man must be proud

Cold beer here! Iced cold beer here!

I have never been to Wrigley Field, but the existence of a beer vendors association makes me want to visit even more than I did before.

Where else but at Wrigley (okay, maybe in Milwaukee) could you find an association made up of beer vendors?

They even have their own baseball cards – kind of similar to what Wally has here in Minnesota.

ESPN hits the reset button

Maybe that Bronson Arroyo/John Kruk/Peter Gammons rock and roll commercial wasn't such a good idea after all?

Due to all sorts of problems with its new software, ESPN is going to restart its fantasy baseball and everything that has happened over the last week really hasn't happened. If you have picked up players, traded players, or simply ignored your team during the first week of the season, it looks like whatever you have or haven't done won't matter.

Sometime tonight ESPN will:

1) Revert all teams to their opening day rosters (Sunday, April 1).
2) Set the starting lineup of each team's opening day roster as the active roster for all games played to date (April 1 - April 11).
3) Retroactively apply scoring for the entire season to date based on that roster.
4) Void all transactions to date (trades, waiver pickups, roster moves, etc.).

In other words the first week didn't really matter.

Tell that to A-Rod.

Super happy fun day

The story from which you can't run comes to us from Boston. Today is the home opener for the Red Sox, but the real drama happens on Wednesday when it's Dice K vs. Ichiro -- let the fun begin.

But as you can see from the video above, the two have met before and from what I can tell, the then 18-year-old Dice K pretty much owned the then 26-year-old Ichiro. Have you ever seen Ichiro look that bad? Me either.

Holy gyro-balls, I think this guy might be the real deal.

Shuffle up and deal!

Last Friday was my first real attempt at trying to be a real poker player. I played in a satellite event that was supposed to lead to some sort of cash money prize and perhaps even a seat in the World Series of Poker.

Long story short – neither the money nor the seat happened. But, I did get a couple of good stories for my tournament buy-in fee. I finished 48th and I needed to be in the top 20 to move on.

As soon as I sat down, I knew this wasn’t going to be the same kind of game I play online or during house games with the core group. To make it here I was going to have to be a mixture of cocky, relentless, aggressive, passive, and weak. In other words – I was going to have to mix it up or I was dead in the water before I even started.

I will say this – I can’t play poker any better than I played it, especially during the first hour of the tournament. I couldn’t have asked for better cards either – which should have put me in a good position.

I can still see my chip stack; I can still hear the air getting sucked out of everyone at the table every time another player pushed in a $500 bet or more. I can see the dealer flinging cards around the table like he was throwing cards in a hat – every time both hole cards landed in the same place next to my chips – stacked perfectly on top of each other.

The biggest hand I remember was a winner for me, but I should have gotten more out of it than I did.

Early in the tournament – the third hand of the tournament actually – I was dealt pocket tens and raised the bet from $20 to $60. I was in the 9th seat – one to the right of the button. The big blind called, as did the guy in the 6th seat.

The flop came up 10, 4, and 4. I just flopped a full house! The two guys in front of me checked and I came out with a bet that was less than half the pot -- $100. I didn’t want to scare them off, but I did. They folded. A full house should have earned me at least $500 but it didn’t. Not good times. If this hand would have come to me during the third hour of play, I would have been the chip leader at my table because everyone was playing loose compared to the start of the game when everyone was tight.

I was done in just over two hours. The tournament lasted less than three hours. I was close to moving on, but I didn’t win enough hands and eventually had to go all-in a couple of times before getting blinded out of the tournament.

I got the nickname “Bowling Green” from the tournament director since I had the BG hat on. We got into a discussion about sports related things before the tournament started and that got some of my nervousness to go away.

My table was featured a few times on the big screen and every time I went all-in, the camera focused on my table and the tournament director got on the microphone and said “Bowling Green is all-in on table three.”

The good news is I won some hands I shouldn’t have won. I bluffed a couple of times and won, I laid down pocket pairs when I knew I had no chance. It was fun. It was terrifying.

There is another qualifier at the end of April and I might do it again.

Congratulations to the new Rich Beam.

Remember Rich Beam? He won the PGA at Hazeltine back in 2002. Meet Zach Johnson, yesterday's winner of the 2007 Masters.

Take a good look because you won't see him around the leader board again for awhile.

Please don't go

The first episode of the last half of the last season aired last night and in a word: it was great.

Tony and Christopher are going to have it out this year. Christopher might go away.

Johnny Sack is going to die in prison. Soon.

AJ might be entering into the "family" or he might die trying.

Out of spite, Tony made Bobby pop a guy (his first time ever) and Bobby won't deal with this very well.

Best season ever -- best series ever.

Pay him. Pay that man his money.

As they said at the start of the movie Rounders; “if you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker” -- let’s hope I am not the sucker this weekend at the World Series of Poker satellite event.

Have a great weekend, see you Monday.

Amen Corner

The Masters Golf Tournament starts today. The video above is Vijay Singh, losing his cool at the 13th hole of last year's tournament.

My favorite part of the Masters every year is watching Jose Maria Olazabal play himself into a lather during the first two days and then fall apart on the back nine on Saturday. Maybe this could be a year where that doesn't happen.

Does Phil Mickelson still have a mullet?

Does Tiger still play this game with all the emotion of an accountant crunching numbers on a Sunday night in March?

Do the old white men who run the Masters still hate women and black people?

Can Jim Nantz find a way to not bore us to death with his tired and predictable commentary?

So many questions.

Mr. Dukes wants to play nice

Yes, I picked up Elijah Dukes and put him on the active roster for both of my roto teams today. I need help in all the power categories in both leagues and since Dukes hit a homer against the Yankees on Opening Day, why not rush out and pick him up?

He’s a phenom, he can play – but he’s combustible. Think Randy Moss combined with Terrell Owens and mix in a little Pac Man Jones.

Sure, Dukes has a troubled past but he’s trying to turn it around.

Welcome to the teams, Mr. Dukes. Enjoy your stay.

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

Alanis Morisette does a parody of "My Humps" and its um...pretty funny.

Oh no! There's a man down.

Its time to kick it old school with a wonderful montage of injuries from the 1996 Madden football game for Sega Genesis. I spent hundreds of hours playing this game and its refreshing to see someone took the time to put this kind of nostalgia on the internets.

Never played organized football? The Vikings want you!

Wow --- the Vikings are digging deep for some help.

Digging wherever they can find it.

The guy pictured is former Sienna basketball player Michael Hiddix. Michael hasn't played football since he was a young boy, but he has landed a tryout with the Purple. No joke!

Read the full story here:

http://tinyurl.com/2ljbdz

Beer bong for the lady?

Our neighbors in Wisconsin know how to do it right. The Milwaukee Brewers are 2-0 for the fourth year in a row. What better way to celebrate than a tailgating session and a 12 person beer bong?!

Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

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Click the link to see all of the Opening Day action from Miller Park:

http://tinyurl.com/23kw8j

Shake and Bake!

I am going to go out on a limb and guess you have seen the movie Talladega Nights. If you haven’t seen it yet, this will still make some sense, but I highly recommend you watch the movie sometime soon.

If you are like me and you’ve seen it 10 times in the last three weeks, you should probably get some therapy; I understand the counseling community is doing wonderful things these days.

The gal and I have been going back forth quoting this movie for awhile now and its starting to get to a point where I want to yell out “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” during staff meetings.

I haven’t done that yet – which is a good thing.

So here we go with a few random thoughts and observations, but with a Talladega Nights twist. All of this dialogue and the quotes are from the movie and all of these things could be said by -- or could be said about – some people making news right now:

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The Quote: “Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. Nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last. You know? You know what I mean?”

The Florida Gators have now officially earned the right to say this by not only winning back to back national titles in basketball, but by also being the first school in the history of college athletics to hold the national titles in football and basketball during the same academic year. Not too shabby.

---------
The Dialogue “Remember when we got kicked out of biology class for playing with Matchbox cars?”
“Yeah?”
“Who's retarded now, huh?!”
“Yeah!”

This definitely goes to Joe Maturi and his lovable band losers in the Gopher athletics department. Six months ago people hated them Now? They pulled off hiring Tubby Smith and they also got a football coach who is willing to talk to the media and work with the high school coaches in the state. Sure, my dad could be right and Tim Brewster could turn out to be a young, less talented version of Jim Wacker – but at this point we have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

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The Quote “We're here to tell you about snow blindness in cats. It's affecting more and more cats each year, and it scares the living shit out of us.” (from outtakes)

My gal has dealt with “CatGate 2007” for the last month now and she needs a break. The cats are fine, the kidney damage seems to be under control and they are going to make it. It looks like Iams is actually going to pay at least some of the cost of the medical bills. For all of you who thought I had something to do with the poisoning of the cats, I take offense. I would actually never even think about poisoning them. I might chase them around the house with the dog and a squirt bottle once in awhile, but I would never poison them.

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The Quote: “Nope. No. Never again. From now on it's Magic Man...and El Diablo.”

The former M&M boys Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer need a new nickname and I think we should go with Magic Man and El Diablo. I can’t believe both of these guys play for the Twins and they might actually both stay with this team long term. I’m giddy.

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The Quote: “What do you think, huh? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!”

Sanjaya Malakar keeps sticking on American Idol. Every week he gets worse and worse – or better and better in terms of unintentional comedy. But the kid just doesn’t get voted off. Haley Scarnato is my pick to win it all. The beat box douchebag needs to go soon.

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The Dialogue: “When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
“Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?”
“Because I like to party.”

This one goes to my gal, who has found a way to hook up the new Nintendo Wii in the upstairs living room, along with the TV, a tuner, surround sound, Game Cube, and possibly a microwave oven. There are more cords sticking out of our outlet than what Mr. Parker had in the movie A Christmas Story. If she finds a way to hook up the XM radio and the play station to the upstairs TV set, we might have to consider a new line of work for her. Being on a line with Excel Energy might be a good place to start. She can hook up 13 different electronic devices in one room; I can’t turn down the volume without getting confused.

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The Quote: “Chip, I'm gonna go apeshit on your ass!”

To all the other people playing in the World Series of Poker Satellite event on Friday – I am really ready to perform this time. Well, actually – I will be more than happy to make it to the first break, but you have to have confidence right? I will have a full report about this event sometime next week. That is, if I can remember anything that actually happens. When I am nervous I tend to forget things and I am guessing I will be a little nervous. Or terrified, however you want to describe it.

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The Quote: “We missed you at the wedding. It was great. Really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.”

To our friends Matt and Jenny, who will be married in less than six months. Holy crap time goes by quickly.

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The Quote: “Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out!”

To the Minnesota Vikings, who continue to go from one bad idea to the next. They are now courting a new free agent wide receiver named Aaron Moorehead. I am a football fan. I watch a lot of games. Love the NFL. I don’t know who this guy is.

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The Quote: “How much you sellin' that weed for, old man?”

I think Donald Trump must be on something. He participated in Wrestle Mania over the weekend and he shaved Vince McMahon’s head. I don’t really even have anything more to say about this, but does Donald Trump need the money or the publicity so much as to be a part of the WWE?

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The Quote: “Listen, if we don't get that car back on the track, our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken. Now, is there anyone out there who wants to go fast?”

Kevin McHale should be saying something along these lines right now. The Timberwolves are awful and there isn’t a lot of hope for the future. They are going to have to lower ticket prices this off-season just to get season ticket holders to consider not cancelling. Its going to be a long, hot summer for the Wolves – but we all know nothing will change.

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The Dialogue: “What has France ever brought to America?
“Democracy, existentialism, and the ménage a trois.”
“Those are three pretty good things, Ricky. Especially that last one.”
“We invented the missionary position. You're welcome.”

I don’t travel much and I have only been outside the U.S. a few times. But even I know that Americans are pretty arrogant. But sometimes it’s hard to admit that our leaders might be kind of arrogant and stupid. It seems that the President and VP don’t want to lock into a timetable and set a date for when troops should leave Iraq because in their words -- you can’t win a war when the enemy knows when you are going to leave. But if you already know you can’t win the war no matter what you do and no matter when you leave, doesn’t it kind of make sense to leave as soon as you can as to not cause yourself more problems by staying?

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The Quote: Hold on a second, Frenchie. You just broke my bro's arm. Prepare to be tasered.”

No, Curt Shilling’s arm isn’t broken. But the “ace” of the Red Sox staff better not have too many more outings like he did yesterday or the Sox are going to be in big big trouble. Speaking of baseball, the Yankees ended up beating the Devil Rays because of the Rays’ god-awful bullpen. With all that young talent on offense, the Rays could really be a decent team if they had even two good arms to work with at the end of games.

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There are many more things to talk about but time is tight. We shall return.

In the meantime, enjoy the musical stylings of Olivette.