I am going to go out on a limb and guess you have seen the movie Talladega Nights. If you haven’t seen it yet, this will still make some sense, but I highly recommend you watch the movie sometime soon.
If you are like me and you’ve seen it 10 times in the last three weeks, you should probably get some therapy; I understand the counseling community is doing wonderful things these days.
The gal and I have been going back forth quoting this movie for awhile now and its starting to get to a point where I want to yell out “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” during staff meetings.
I haven’t done that yet – which is a good thing.
So here we go with a few random thoughts and observations, but with a Talladega Nights twist. All of this dialogue and the quotes are from the movie and all of these things could be said by -- or could be said about – some people making news right now:
--------
The Quote: “Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. Nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last. You know? You know what I mean?”
The Florida Gators have now officially earned the right to say this by not only winning back to back national titles in basketball, but by also being the first school in the history of college athletics to hold the national titles in football and basketball during the same academic year. Not too shabby.
---------
The Dialogue “Remember when we got kicked out of biology class for playing with Matchbox cars?”
“Yeah?”
“Who's retarded now, huh?!”
“Yeah!”
This definitely goes to Joe Maturi and his lovable band losers in the Gopher athletics department. Six months ago people hated them Now? They pulled off hiring Tubby Smith and they also got a football coach who is willing to talk to the media and work with the high school coaches in the state. Sure, my dad could be right and Tim Brewster could turn out to be a young, less talented version of Jim Wacker – but at this point we have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
----------
The Quote “We're here to tell you about snow blindness in cats. It's affecting more and more cats each year, and it scares the living shit out of us.” (from outtakes)
My gal has dealt with “CatGate 2007” for the last month now and she needs a break. The cats are fine, the kidney damage seems to be under control and they are going to make it. It looks like Iams is actually going to pay at least some of the cost of the medical bills. For all of you who thought I had something to do with the poisoning of the cats, I take offense. I would actually never even think about poisoning them. I might chase them around the house with the dog and a squirt bottle once in awhile, but I would never poison them.
----------
The Quote: “Nope. No. Never again. From now on it's Magic Man...and El Diablo.”
The former M&M boys Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer need a new nickname and I think we should go with Magic Man and El Diablo. I can’t believe both of these guys play for the Twins and they might actually both stay with this team long term. I’m giddy.
-----------
The Quote: “What do you think, huh? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!”
Sanjaya Malakar keeps sticking on American Idol. Every week he gets worse and worse – or better and better in terms of unintentional comedy. But the kid just doesn’t get voted off. Haley Scarnato is my pick to win it all. The beat box douchebag needs to go soon.
-----------
The Dialogue: “When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
“Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?”
“Because I like to party.”
This one goes to my gal, who has found a way to hook up the new Nintendo Wii in the upstairs living room, along with the TV, a tuner, surround sound, Game Cube, and possibly a microwave oven. There are more cords sticking out of our outlet than what Mr. Parker had in the movie A Christmas Story. If she finds a way to hook up the XM radio and the play station to the upstairs TV set, we might have to consider a new line of work for her. Being on a line with Excel Energy might be a good place to start. She can hook up 13 different electronic devices in one room; I can’t turn down the volume without getting confused.
------------
The Quote: “Chip, I'm gonna go apeshit on your ass!”
To all the other people playing in the World Series of Poker Satellite event on Friday – I am really ready to perform this time. Well, actually – I will be more than happy to make it to the first break, but you have to have confidence right? I will have a full report about this event sometime next week. That is, if I can remember anything that actually happens. When I am nervous I tend to forget things and I am guessing I will be a little nervous. Or terrified, however you want to describe it.
------------
The Quote: “We missed you at the wedding. It was great. Really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.”
To our friends Matt and Jenny, who will be married in less than six months. Holy crap time goes by quickly.
------------
The Quote: “Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out!”
To the Minnesota Vikings, who continue to go from one bad idea to the next. They are now courting a new free agent wide receiver named Aaron Moorehead. I am a football fan. I watch a lot of games. Love the NFL. I don’t know who this guy is.
------------
The Quote: “How much you sellin' that weed for, old man?”
I think Donald Trump must be on something. He participated in Wrestle Mania over the weekend and he shaved Vince McMahon’s head. I don’t really even have anything more to say about this, but does Donald Trump need the money or the publicity so much as to be a part of the WWE?
-------------
The Quote: “Listen, if we don't get that car back on the track, our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken. Now, is there anyone out there who wants to go fast?”
Kevin McHale should be saying something along these lines right now. The Timberwolves are awful and there isn’t a lot of hope for the future. They are going to have to lower ticket prices this off-season just to get season ticket holders to consider not cancelling. Its going to be a long, hot summer for the Wolves – but we all know nothing will change.
-------------
The Dialogue: “What has France ever brought to America?
“Democracy, existentialism, and the ménage a trois.”
“Those are three pretty good things, Ricky. Especially that last one.”
“We invented the missionary position. You're welcome.”
I don’t travel much and I have only been outside the U.S. a few times. But even I know that Americans are pretty arrogant. But sometimes it’s hard to admit that our leaders might be kind of arrogant and stupid. It seems that the President and VP don’t want to lock into a timetable and set a date for when troops should leave Iraq because in their words -- you can’t win a war when the enemy knows when you are going to leave. But if you already know you can’t win the war no matter what you do and no matter when you leave, doesn’t it kind of make sense to leave as soon as you can as to not cause yourself more problems by staying?
-------------
The Quote: Hold on a second, Frenchie. You just broke my bro's arm. Prepare to be tasered.”
No, Curt Shilling’s arm isn’t broken. But the “ace” of the Red Sox staff better not have too many more outings like he did yesterday or the Sox are going to be in big big trouble. Speaking of baseball, the Yankees ended up beating the Devil Rays because of the Rays’ god-awful bullpen. With all that young talent on offense, the Rays could really be a decent team if they had even two good arms to work with at the end of games.
--------------
There are many more things to talk about but time is tight. We shall return.
In the meantime, enjoy the musical stylings of Olivette.
If you are like me and you’ve seen it 10 times in the last three weeks, you should probably get some therapy; I understand the counseling community is doing wonderful things these days.
The gal and I have been going back forth quoting this movie for awhile now and its starting to get to a point where I want to yell out “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” during staff meetings.
I haven’t done that yet – which is a good thing.
So here we go with a few random thoughts and observations, but with a Talladega Nights twist. All of this dialogue and the quotes are from the movie and all of these things could be said by -- or could be said about – some people making news right now:
--------
The Quote: “Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. Nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last. You know? You know what I mean?”
The Florida Gators have now officially earned the right to say this by not only winning back to back national titles in basketball, but by also being the first school in the history of college athletics to hold the national titles in football and basketball during the same academic year. Not too shabby.
---------
The Dialogue “Remember when we got kicked out of biology class for playing with Matchbox cars?”
“Yeah?”
“Who's retarded now, huh?!”
“Yeah!”
This definitely goes to Joe Maturi and his lovable band losers in the Gopher athletics department. Six months ago people hated them Now? They pulled off hiring Tubby Smith and they also got a football coach who is willing to talk to the media and work with the high school coaches in the state. Sure, my dad could be right and Tim Brewster could turn out to be a young, less talented version of Jim Wacker – but at this point we have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
----------
The Quote “We're here to tell you about snow blindness in cats. It's affecting more and more cats each year, and it scares the living shit out of us.” (from outtakes)
My gal has dealt with “CatGate 2007” for the last month now and she needs a break. The cats are fine, the kidney damage seems to be under control and they are going to make it. It looks like Iams is actually going to pay at least some of the cost of the medical bills. For all of you who thought I had something to do with the poisoning of the cats, I take offense. I would actually never even think about poisoning them. I might chase them around the house with the dog and a squirt bottle once in awhile, but I would never poison them.
----------
The Quote: “Nope. No. Never again. From now on it's Magic Man...and El Diablo.”
The former M&M boys Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer need a new nickname and I think we should go with Magic Man and El Diablo. I can’t believe both of these guys play for the Twins and they might actually both stay with this team long term. I’m giddy.
-----------
The Quote: “What do you think, huh? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!”
Sanjaya Malakar keeps sticking on American Idol. Every week he gets worse and worse – or better and better in terms of unintentional comedy. But the kid just doesn’t get voted off. Haley Scarnato is my pick to win it all. The beat box douchebag needs to go soon.
-----------
The Dialogue: “When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
“Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?”
“Because I like to party.”
This one goes to my gal, who has found a way to hook up the new Nintendo Wii in the upstairs living room, along with the TV, a tuner, surround sound, Game Cube, and possibly a microwave oven. There are more cords sticking out of our outlet than what Mr. Parker had in the movie A Christmas Story. If she finds a way to hook up the XM radio and the play station to the upstairs TV set, we might have to consider a new line of work for her. Being on a line with Excel Energy might be a good place to start. She can hook up 13 different electronic devices in one room; I can’t turn down the volume without getting confused.
------------
The Quote: “Chip, I'm gonna go apeshit on your ass!”
To all the other people playing in the World Series of Poker Satellite event on Friday – I am really ready to perform this time. Well, actually – I will be more than happy to make it to the first break, but you have to have confidence right? I will have a full report about this event sometime next week. That is, if I can remember anything that actually happens. When I am nervous I tend to forget things and I am guessing I will be a little nervous. Or terrified, however you want to describe it.
------------
The Quote: “We missed you at the wedding. It was great. Really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.”
To our friends Matt and Jenny, who will be married in less than six months. Holy crap time goes by quickly.
------------
The Quote: “Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out!”
To the Minnesota Vikings, who continue to go from one bad idea to the next. They are now courting a new free agent wide receiver named Aaron Moorehead. I am a football fan. I watch a lot of games. Love the NFL. I don’t know who this guy is.
------------
The Quote: “How much you sellin' that weed for, old man?”
I think Donald Trump must be on something. He participated in Wrestle Mania over the weekend and he shaved Vince McMahon’s head. I don’t really even have anything more to say about this, but does Donald Trump need the money or the publicity so much as to be a part of the WWE?
-------------
The Quote: “Listen, if we don't get that car back on the track, our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken. Now, is there anyone out there who wants to go fast?”
Kevin McHale should be saying something along these lines right now. The Timberwolves are awful and there isn’t a lot of hope for the future. They are going to have to lower ticket prices this off-season just to get season ticket holders to consider not cancelling. Its going to be a long, hot summer for the Wolves – but we all know nothing will change.
-------------
The Dialogue: “What has France ever brought to America?
“Democracy, existentialism, and the ménage a trois.”
“Those are three pretty good things, Ricky. Especially that last one.”
“We invented the missionary position. You're welcome.”
I don’t travel much and I have only been outside the U.S. a few times. But even I know that Americans are pretty arrogant. But sometimes it’s hard to admit that our leaders might be kind of arrogant and stupid. It seems that the President and VP don’t want to lock into a timetable and set a date for when troops should leave Iraq because in their words -- you can’t win a war when the enemy knows when you are going to leave. But if you already know you can’t win the war no matter what you do and no matter when you leave, doesn’t it kind of make sense to leave as soon as you can as to not cause yourself more problems by staying?
-------------
The Quote: Hold on a second, Frenchie. You just broke my bro's arm. Prepare to be tasered.”
No, Curt Shilling’s arm isn’t broken. But the “ace” of the Red Sox staff better not have too many more outings like he did yesterday or the Sox are going to be in big big trouble. Speaking of baseball, the Yankees ended up beating the Devil Rays because of the Rays’ god-awful bullpen. With all that young talent on offense, the Rays could really be a decent team if they had even two good arms to work with at the end of games.
--------------
There are many more things to talk about but time is tight. We shall return.
In the meantime, enjoy the musical stylings of Olivette.
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1 comment:
do you think I don't notice your little jabs, even when they're at the end of a very. long. post?
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