Do you want to play football for the Gophers?

We will take a guess and say most of our readers have all four years of college football eligibility remaining. No doubt many of you think you could do a better job of defending passes and running routes than this current crop of Gophers.

Well, now we can see if you really have the skills to get noticed. Here’s your chance to fill out the Golden Gopher recruiting questionnaire.

With luck, one of the outstanding recruiters from the Gopher staff will knock on your door with a scholarship offer.

We filled out our questionnaire over lunch today; it’s really pretty easy to use:
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First Name: Cold
Last Name: Omaha
Grad Year: 1992, 1994, 1996
Address: Cold Omaha Headquarters
City: Anytown
State: Minnesota
Zip: 55555
Home phone: We screen calls and have solicitor block, so don’t bother trying
Cell phone: Only for emergencies
Fax number (if you have a home fax machine): We have a Kinko’s near us if needed
Email Address: acoldomaha@yahoo.com
Date of Birth: Old enough to drink, young enough to not live in the past
Social Security #: For the W-2? Cash payments only, please
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Family Information:
Who do you live with?: My wife, my dog, and her three cats.
Mother's Name: Mom
Mother's Occupation: You couldn’t follow her around all day; much less do the work she does
Mother's Alma Mater: PhD, Common Sense Institute
Family at U of M: We are all family; we are all part of Gopher Nation
Father's Name: Dad
Father's Occupation: CEO
Father's Alma Mater: MBA, University of Experience
Siblings: Youngest of four kids
Friends at U of M: Tubby Smith. But, he’s never really on campus, so not sure if that counts?
Who is going to influence your decision?: Probably television
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School Info
School: Never really cared for it, to be honest
Coach's Name: Coach
Coach office phone: It only dials out
Coach cell phone: Seriously, people actually have their coach’s cell phone number?
GPA: About average
Core GPA: See above
SAT: Let’s just say I won’t be getting into Stanford
ACT: It was pretty low – why do you think the U is on my list?
Your academic interest: Hanging out on Northrop Mall and enjoying taco night at Sally’s
Career interest: Pro baseball player
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Athletic Info:
Height: With or without lifts?
Weight: What is this match.com? Don’t worry, we are in shape. Round is a shape
40 Time: Do you have a sundial?
Jersey #: Double Zero, baby
Offensive Position: Slow footed, weak armed, option quarterback
Defensive Position: You put me anywhere in that secondary and it’s an instant upgrade
Position you want to play: Reverse cowgirl, other
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Other Sports: Basketball, Baseball, Softball, Poker, Golf, hunting, fishing, bird watching, any kind of video game

Schools you are interested in: Basically any team with whom you think the Gophers can compete
1) Bowling Green
2) North Dakota State
3) Florida Atlantic
4) Duluth School for the Blind
5) St. Paul Nurses of the Poor