Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I am not watching another college basketball game until the tournament starts.
I don’t care about money lines or point totals anymore. For the sake of my sanity and for my health, I can’t watch anymore college basketball until after Selection Sunday.
The reason? I am terrible at picking games. This might be the worst stretch of gambling luck I have had since that day in Vegas where I doubled down on an eleven against a six, ended up losing a $100 bet, and nearly reached for my chips before the succubus dealer could grab them and then stare me down with pure evil in her eyes. Don’t touch the chips, sir.
Over the weekend, I watched eight games over the span of three days and I picked exactly three of those games correctly.
And, in addition to not being able to hit any mythical bets on games I actually watched, I also missed 8 of the other 11 games I allegedly bet on and almost drained my entire pretend online gambling account. I wasn’t making uneducated guesses here, I am talking about games featuring Top 25 teams who actually had good match-ups, good match-ups in terms of covering the spread and good match-ups in terms of talent on the floor. I would have been better off drawing names out of hat.
A quick word for the kids out there – don’t gamble. Don’t even think about it. It’s bad for you. It ruins families and it’s not fun. If you want to gamble, take your money and buy some of those new George Washington dollar coins. Sure, they won’t be in circulation in three years, but at least it will still be money.
Anyone who thinks they know the game and thinks they have any idea who will win the National Championship this year, I have just one thing to say: you are lying to yourself.
Nobody knows. Nobody who can claim to have any skill in picking college basketball games has any idea what will happen from day-to-day, much less what will happen in more than a month. Everybody seems frustrated by this, but nobody can explain why it’s happening.
I mean, I can understand a few upsets here and there during tournament time, but aren’t we supposed to be able to trust the Number 10 team (Georgetown) going on the road and beating Syracuse – especially since the Hoyas were playing to lock up a two-seed in the tournament?
If you can’t get that game right, all bets are off. Literally. And now Syracuse will make it into the tournament and they will either lose in the firs round or they will make it to the Sweet 16. I have no idea which it will be and frankly, its scaring the hell out of me.
Trust, me -- I have spent the last three weeks studying betting lines, watching games, reading the experts, and breaking down college basketball almost exclusively and I know less today than I did when I started the process. It’s a mess. I’m a mess.
I am going to fill out my brackets in two weeks based on uniform color or mascot name and not use any of the information I think I gathered over the last month.
It’s driving me crazy.
Monday, February 26, 2007
While I know there are many places to get tired, obvious, and predictable commentary/surveys about pop culture, movies, and celebrities, just consider this to be adding to the abyss.
A few random Oscar thoughts and observations…
I watched the show with the gal, the gal’s mom, two dogs, and three cats. It was a packed house – all weekend long – at Cold Omaha headquarters. Let’s just say the highlight of the weekend was shoveling two feet of snow. I am kidding, we had pizza too.
I didn’t see any of the movies nominated and I honestly didn’t know who was up for best actor or best actress. This really hit home during the opening montage filled with people who were nominated for awards. I was able to name exactly seven of them: Leo. Spielberg. Jennifer Hudson. That guy from Remember the Titans….Gosling? Eastwood. Eddie Murphy.
And…Melisa Ethridge? I was still trying to figure that one out up until the time she performed her song. Wasn’t she kind of pitchy during her time on stage? Randy and Simon would have blasted her for the performance. It was kind of all over the place for me dog, I didn’t love it.
Ellen Degeneres hosted the event (no, seriously.) Plus, she wore George Costanza’s velvet suit for the first half of the show, which was actually kind of cute.
Ellen Degeneres hosted the Oscars. Who was Plan B – Paula Poundstone?
Billy Crystal said no to hosting just for this year right? They just couldn’t get him, but he’ll be back next year? Okay, good.
I always love the recap of the awards that were given out at another time during a ceremony that wasn’t quite as good and therefore really isn’t the same as actually winning an Oscar at the Oscar’s. I feel bad for the people who won those awards, but at the same time -- I am quite thankful we don’t have to sit through them.
Will Ferrell, Jack Black and that guy from the Perfect Storm and Talladega Nights sang a song that was pretty funny. Ferrell’s will-fro was the best comedy of the night.
Well…other than this…
When I am watching something on TV and both my gal and her mom are in the room -- all bets are off. The following conversation happened last night:
Camera pans the crowd, shows a bloated, and bald-headed Jack Nicholson.
My Gal: "Wow – look at him, he looks puffy!"
Her mom: “Who…?"
My gal: “Jack Nicholson”
Her mom: “Doc Finkelstein? Who?”
Me: “Doc Severenson”
Her mom, thoroughly confused: “Oh”
It's an amazing phenomenon.
I was trying to figure out how to avoid this kind of misunderstanding during an important TV show. For all of you who aren’t married yet, pay attention.
Get two televisions. Best money you will ever spend. Problem is, even if you have three TV’s, sometimes you can’t avoid family time.
Have plenty of crossword puzzles, newspapers, or magazines close by and bring those babies out when something good is on TV. This works great during sporting events – when you really want some quiet. The best three magazines are Us Weekly, anything with scrap booking or arts/crafts, and the National Enquirer. There isn’t a woman alive who will admit to reading it, but none of them can turn it down. I have years and years of documented evidence related to this theory. Just trust me.
Greg Kinnear will always be that guy on Talk Soup to me.
I am still trying to figure out if Jessica Biel is attractive. I asked the gal and she said:”She’s all right, she cute – she’s not too much of anything.” Yep, that about sums her up I think.
I can’t help but think of Harlem Nights every time I see promos for Dream Girls.
Best Supporting Actor nominee -- Eddie Murphy!
Has a career ever come full circle more than Eddie Murphy’s? He’s the funniest man on the planet in the late 1970’s and early 80’s. He has a couple of huge movies in the mid 80’s, picks up a transvestite in the early 90’s, disappears, does some kids movies, and is now an Academy Award nominee. Just amazing to me.
The Departed won for best picture and best director. How have I not seen The Departed yet? I like Matt Damon and Doc Finkelstein! Plus, mob movies are great.
I like the bearded Al Gore better than the cleanly-shaved Al Gore. Al pretended that he was going to announce he’s running for president again and the loud music blasted him off the stage. He sold that about as well as he sold the whole “vote for me, I can win” thing.
Cameron Diaz is proving that blondes have more fun.
Do you think Matt Damon gets angry when Ben Affleck gets introduced as an Academy Award nominated writer? I think it’s been proven that he was the brains behind the operation, how long does Ben get to ride those coattails?
The Super Bowl didn’t even run four hours long this year, why does an award show have to drag on forever?
At what point in your life do you realize that you can, in fact, get together with your friends and produce silhouettes of all the nominated movies?
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Big Game vs. The Super Bowl vs. that game that's on either the last Sunday in January or the 1st Sunday in February
The athlete is Dominic Rhodes, who probably should have won the MVP award in the Super Bowl a few weeks ago, which makes the story a little more noteworthy. Typically pro athletes getting DUI’s will go by unnoticed these days, but since he pissed himself, it seemed worth mentioning.
Like I said, it’s Friday.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
But I don’t think anybody could have predicted shootings, enough bong resin to shovel and plow, and 10 times more gang-related activity than your average NBA All-Star weekend. That alone should have shut the city down for good.
And now we have a name to apply directly to all the violence and mayhem. And that name is Pac Man.
Yes -- apparently, not only do you have to keep your head on a swivel when you are in a vicious cock-fight; you also have to keep your head on a swivel whenever you are around Pac Man Jones.
Well…at least off the football field. Particularly around “his women.”
The details about the troubled Tennessee Titans cornerback and his posse are still coming out. But I think we can say this much about it -- you couldn’t make it up if you tried, the story has everything you could ever ask for in terms of a pro athlete and his vices: Strippers, cash, violence, and champagne bottles as weapons – even a boobie bar called the Minxx, which is classier than Bada Bing, but just vague enough that you aren’t sure if it’s trendy, clubby, or quiet.
The story has all the elements NBA commissioner David Stern was hoping he wouldn’t see during his league’s biggest weekend in years. The ironic part is, an NFL player caused the problems here, but the NBA will take the hit. There’s no doubt about it.
And on a personal note, which is what it’s really all about -- the core group is going back out to Vegas this summer and if you think for a minute that I won’t be making a thousand Pac Man Jones jokes that weekend, you are insane. I might even buy a Pac Man jersey.
August can’t get here soon enough.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
And now, I think we can definitively say -- it has.
The Syracuse Crunch is offering any woman that comes to their box office with a shaved head a free ticket to the club’s February 24 game against the Manitoba Moose.
The Crunch even invited Spears to attend the game:
“The team and community want to provide Britney Spears with a stress free environment and the chance to experience a high level of hockey,” said Crunch President and CEO Howard Dolgon. “In addition to being 3,000 miles away from Hollywood, Syracuse is light years away from that pretentious environment. There won’t be paparazzi within a 100 miles.”
She would have to leave rehab early in order to get to the game on the 24th, but let’s be honest – she’s probably leaving early anyway. At least this way she gets to spend a month-long weekend in lovely Syracuse and get made fun of in the process. Good times.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Not quite as shocking as Britney Spears shaving her head, but I really thought Sly was all natural. No – really.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Surprisingly enough, it doesn’t sound like there was any kind of scandal or wrong-doing on Irvin's part. The company simply decided to go another direction since his contract expired.
I hope this means more airtime for Bill Pido.
Sir Sidney is trying to become the 5th starter for the Twins this spring and we can’t wait to see how this ends. Will he be released during the first round of cuts in March or will he make it to Opening Day?
Pitching coach Rick Anderson has been asked to work miracles over the last few seasons, particularly when it comes to guys like Dennis Reyes and Carlos Silva. But does anyone really think Ponson can rebound and get back to somewhat respectable shape, both in terms of his pitching and his belly?
Ponson won 17 games with the Orioles in 2003 and there really is no risk in sending him out there to see what he can do in Fort Myers.
However, in addition to not being able to get anybody out over the last few years, Ponson has shown a bit of a wild side off the diamond as well. While he says he doesn’t want to dwell on his scuffles with the law, it’s kind of hard to overlook the two drunken driving arrests in the last four years and his knock out punch of a judge in Aruba.
Why would we dwell on that?
Sounds like he should be playing offensive tackle for the Vikings instead of trying to make the Twins roster.
Welcome Sidney, we are happy to have you.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
So by now most of you have heard or read about Tim Hardaway and his comments related to John Amaechi coming out of the closet.
Basically, Hardaway said he hates gay people, doesn’t like to be around them, admitted to being homophobic, and just doesn’t like being around gay people.
And people say NBA players have a hard time handling pubic relations and the media with grace and dignity?
Click here for a TV report about the Hardaway news.
A few things to pay attention to during the clip –
1. The reporter doing the story is Jim Berry and has the nickname J.B, which is funny to me because there must be 8,000 J.B.’s doing TV right now.
2. J.B. got a phone interview with Hardaway last night AFTER he made the original comments and of course Timmy dug himself into an even deeper hole.
3. The Tim Hardaway picture toward the end of the clip shows his headshot with the gay pride colors flying behind him. I am guessing he didn’t really like that either.
I think the most surprising thing out of all of this is that Tim actually answered the phone; I figured he would be too busy listening to Coldplay.
Or maybe watching Maid in Manhatten.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Texans G.M. Rick Smith is saying all the right things and that Carr is still the team's starting quarterback. But with Carr’s lack of mobility, his Joey Harrington like arm, and his happy feet, why wouldn’t they shop him around?
If you believe what you read and hear in the local media, the Vikings are interested in Carr. I hope it’s not true. Didn’t we just get done complaining about how a slow, weak-armed QB ruined our season under Coach Quiet?
Stick with Tavaris Jackson for at least the next two years and let him grow into the job. I really don’t want to see David Carr getting sacked 6 times per game.
Go ahead and view at your own risk. It’s really not that bad. But douching talk, even if Jim Thome is involved, might not be appropriate at your worksite – depending on your worksite. But I thought it was funny.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
You can read his blog (and other interesting Vegas related information) at the link right here:
Did Met Stadium go through this long, drawn out process?
The Vikings were close to an agreement that would have resulted in the announcement of a new stadium plan, but now everything is on hold until the groups involved can answer a few questions.
Well, until they can answer one question:
According to Bill Lester, executive director of the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission, plans for the new stadium can’t even be publicly discussed “until we come up with some way to pay for all this.”
Really? You are still talking about that? Not about construction timelines, stadium design, or naming rights – you are still talking about who pays for what?
So, the Twins stadium hinges on land that really isn’t for sale at market prices and the Vikings are again talking about their new stadium before they have financial arrangements worked out. What is this 1995?
The current Vikings plan is to demolish the Metrodome and build a new stadium on that site at a current cost of about $900 million dollars. Which means by the time the legislature, the Vikings, and the facilities commission get their collective acts together, the price tag will be pushing $1 billion dollars. They really shouldn't have any problem coming up with the money when that happens, right?
Who would have thought that the Gophers stadium would have been the first deal to get done? They somehow managed to overcome traffic complaints, a site with toxic waste issues, and the university bureaucracy, but the Twins and the Vikings can’t even decide where to build these things or who is going to pay for them?
Monday, February 12, 2007
Not sure of the amount, but I would shell out some pretty decent money to be able to run into him over the next few months and tell him -- “I loved your work in Outbreak, you really nailed that role.”
Seeing Fergie on stage and up close at the Grammy’s last night made me very happy that I don’t have HDTV. Yikes. She’s like that sort of ugly yet cute chick on Seinfeld, she looks good in certain light (like her F to E R G the I the E video) but other times she’s a train wreck.
Do you think Mitch McDeere ended up going back to the Cayman’s to find that chick he hooked up with on the beach?
I can’t be 100% sure, but I think Constantine from American Idol served me my coffee last Friday at Caribou.
Worst part about the end of the NFL season? Not being able to see Dan Marino laughing at his own jokes on HBO’s Inside the NFL.
Everything feels right about the Randy Wittman era doesn’t it? He has really gotten the Wolves back on track. They are just crappy enough that nobody cares to watch them but not quite crappy enough to be in the running for Greg Oden or Kevin Durant.
You know you don’t live in a big city anymore when it takes you ten minutes to get to work and you complain about the commute.
If a Sammy Sosa comeback with the Rangers is what it will take to somehow get Jose Canseco doing interviews again, I am all for it.
Shouldn’t Sammy be playing in Japan now instead of trying to make another run at the majors? If Tony Batista was too old and fat to play for the Twins last year, can Sosa really hit fifth for the Rangers this summer? In that heat? He better load up the B-12 shots, its going to be a grueling comeback.
They should change the name of the NFL Pro Bowl to “guys who wanted to come to Hawaii instead of playing Pebble Beach bowl.”
Did you know the game was played on Saturday over the weekend? Who made that decision? Wasn’t somebody supposed to tell the rest of us? The ratings for that thing are already lower than the ratings for Rome is Burning, why wouldn’t they tell us they moved the game to Saturday?
Speaking of All-Star games, they are putting the NBA’s version in Las Vegas this Sunday. Talk about a blow torch and dynamite. I wonder if you will be able to bet the over/under on the number of disorderly conduct arrests, drug possession charges, and indecent exposure complaints filed this weekend in Vegas.
The best part about sleep deprivation is that “in between” state where you are pretty sure you are awake and it feels like you are awake, but then the dog starts talking to you and everything gets confusing.
I watched Scarface again over the weekend and it’s weird to say it, but I think Kevin Garnett is doing a Tony Montana impersonation every time he gets interviewed.
Pitchers and catchers report next week. I can’t wipe the smile from my face.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The Minnesota Twins locked up catcher Joe Mauer today, signing him to a 4-year deal worth more than $33 million dollars, which should make it a little easier for Mauer to meet women.
The Twins are the only franchise in town with any glimmer of hope for the future and Mauer is a big part of that optimism.
This deal, in addition to the one-year deal given to Justin Morneau, actually gives fans a reason to anticipate spring training.
Friday, February 9, 2007
I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for thesplog, and you curse coldomaha.
You have that luxury.
You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That thesplog loss, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at poli sci parties, you want me on the internet, you need me on the internet.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very free reading pleasure that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you start a new blog, and allow even more people to post.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Let's look at the facts:
Tim Brewster has been in Minnesota for a month, more than enough time to recruit in the state and visit top-flight prospects throughout the country.
The Gophers signed just 8 Minnesota players, which means at least 10 others will leave to play D1 football somewhere else.
That's not acceptable.
Brewster isn't one of us, he doesn't understand the importance of staying in Minnesota. It's Johnny-come-latelys like him that hurt Minnesota, not help it. When these kids leave Minnesota, they will have a very difficult time coming back here to earn a good living. Brewster doesn't understand that, because he hasn't lived it like we have lived it.
Not only can't he recruit, he apparently can't coach either. The football team hasn't won a game yet this year and the basketball team has done nothing since he was hired, going 2-5 over the last month.
Is this why the U fired Glen Mason and Dan Monson and then paid them millions to walk away? Now we have a guy who can't recruit and also seems to know nothing about football or basketball.
Brewster's been given a fair shot and its time to move on. The players ignored his pleas to become a part of Gopher Nation. If you can't recruit in a city like Minneapolis, you aren't cut out for the big time.
The U should have hired Tony Dungy and Flip Saunders when it had the chance.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Isn’t his career path pretty remarkable? He’s the one guy on that show that I figured would fade off into Bolivia, but he has really been the most productive member of the cast. Well, Screech has kind of made a name for himself too, but not for his acting.
From the funniest thing I have heard in awhile department: A-Rod might opt out of his contract with the Yankees after next season. What, $25 million per year isn’t enough money? Can’t you just see the Cubs and the Dodgers trying to outbid for Mr. April’s services next off-season? He’s the worst clutch player of our era (now that Manning won a Super Bowl) and he’s still going to make at least $20 million a year for the next 3-4 years on the open market. All that being said I will still take him in the top three during any and every roto draft this spring.
I think ESPN should tell us ahead of time when Mike and Mike won't be doing their radio show in the morning. Just give us some sort of notice during Around the Horn or PTI the day before, so we aren’t disappointed. When I see John Seibel and Mark Schlereth on that set starting the show, its like sneaking off to a Twins day game only to find that Carlos Silva is pitching and Mike Redmond is catching.
How much money does Tony Soprano make in a year anyway?
Isn’t it about time Hulk Hogan shaves his head? Or at the very least cuts it down a little bit?
Sure, I realize Tiger Woods gets lots of money endorsing Buick’s products, but do you really think his favorite car is a Rendezvous?
By my calculations, the Minnesota golf season should start in less than 62 days.
Can I get a hell yeah?
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
How long before Joe Pesci shows up on 24? I mean, sometime very soon, they are going to run out of short actors who have to look up to Jack Bauer, right? Maybe Danny DeVito is available?
Not saying that Tim Brewster signing his son Clint to play QB for him at the U of M wasn’t a good thing, but if you can’t get your kid to come and play for you – what kind of message does that send to other recruits?
When it gets right down to it, college basketball games like Rider vs. Iona is the “do you do too much online gambling” litmus test.
Add this to the “reasons its okay to start drinking before noon” list: It’s -6 degrees right now and the high today is going to be 4 above. Oh, and its snowing enough that if we lived anywhere else in the country, schools would be closed. Tell me again why we live here?
Sometimes I wonder what ever happened to Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Did he and Miss Elizabeth have kids and end up living in Boca? Does he live near his brother Leaping Lanny Poffo?
There aren’t many things I have to do over the next few months. But one thing that must get done is me drafting Howie Kendrick during all three of my roto drafts this spring.
Gary Payton getting suspended for talking back to an official is like Carmela Soprano yelling at Tony for cheating. How will that change anything and at the end of the day, what’s the point?
Billy’s Joel’s rendition of the Star Spangled Banner during the super bowl wasn’t quite Whitney Houston at the 1991 super bowl was it? Don’t remember it? Check it out here:
Eddie Guardado just re-signed with the Reds. Not sure how everyone else feels, but I wouldn’t even want him pitching on my softball team this year.
From the east coast. To the west coast. Down the Dixie Highway Back home.
That song is stuck in my head; it might as well be stuck in yours.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Just a few notes about the big "championship football game" brought to you by the new tuned up taste of Diet Mountain Dew.
If gambling didn't ruin families and if I liked to do it, I would have bet $10 that the first score of the game on Sunday would have come from the Bears defense or special teams. And if I bet that mythical $10 on the Bears defense/special teams, I would have won $150. But I didn't. As far as you know.
Peyton Manning finally won a game that matters and now we can leave him alone. I really don't want to see the 10-year-old version of Peyton Manning tango dancing anymore anyway. So, let's let him cut that meat in private for awhile. How about we pick on Michael Vick now -- seems like he could use the attention.
The gal brought this up last night and I think she's right -- Prince doesn't age. He's the new Dick Clark of this generation.
Not sure how the commercials rated last night for everyone else, but I was kind of let down. The Coke ad that looked like a version of the Grand Theft Auto video game was probably my favorite, but I had already seen it. Weren't these commercials better five years ago? Two years ago?
I think the Vikings could have turned the ball over five times and let the Colts dink and dunk their way to a victory last night just as easily as the Bears did.
Remember when Cedric Benson was picked Number 4 overall in the draft two years ago and he couldn't stop crying long enough to get on stage and get his pictures taken? Is that called foreshadowing? His career is going to look a lot more like Neal Anderson than Walter Payton.